


The Twelve Messengers of Themis

by Penwielding_Beyonder



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-10
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-18 09:47:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/878437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penwielding_Beyonder/pseuds/Penwielding_Beyonder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever wondered why the only divine messengers we've seen on Galactica were those from the one God? Have you ever wanted to know what might have happened if the Lords of Kobol refused to give up without a fight? Have you ever hoped that they too had a plan? Have you ever wished for a slashy story with more romance than Galactica normally allows for? This story might be the beginning of such a tale.</p>
<p>This is not Battlestar Galactica. But it is the same Galaxy and the toasters are on the march. All this has happened before. And some people want to create a future where it will never happen again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The first worst day of my life

My arms were made of marshmallow and a cappuccino-wending machine clacked like a lady's heels as it walked towards me and my tongue tasted like cardboard and the sounds of forest were everywhere because I wanted them to be... I know brains can't hurt but mine did... I had no idea where I was or who I was... Waking up from anesthesia never felt this bad.

Sure, I never woke up from one before, but I didn't know that back then. My brain, slow like a glacier, was coming to the conclusion that I was in Themis' sickbay. I though I was slowly recognizing the state I was in. I tried to remember what might have happened to send me there and that's when I finally realized that everything was wrong.

I had memories that didn't belong in my head and recalling them poured cold, stimulating, sobering liquid nitrogen into my whole body. I was a Cylon. Cylons have evolved, they've gained human-like bodies. And I was one of them.

I didn't feel like one. I remembered all the years in the orphanage, I remembered both families who considered adopting me but didn't, I remembered the first boy who kissed me, I remembered the day I gained my pilot wings... I wanted to hope that my Cylon memories were but a hallucination caused by drugs. But a part of me knew, with cold hard certainty, that I was a Cylon and my number was Six. My human memories, save for those from the last few years, were fake. I was fake. There was my true me living inside my brain and sometimes she woke up and took control and she was a Cylon.

My thoughts gridlocked. Cylons have been my worst fear since I've been four years old. They've killed my father, they've tried to exterminate my whole race. And I was a Cylon?!? I was terrified, I was freaking out, my soul was trying to jump out of my body and I was my own mortal enemy and everybody else was my enemy too.

"They don't have to be, Tisha. Your old self is dead."

That familiar male voice startled me and I moved my head and the pain that I felt even through the layers of painkillers insulating me from my own body made me wince. But I saw him and I recognized him. Adam Lanser. His sister Camille was the first girl I've ever kissed. Her mother was a priestess of Aphrodite and we kissed in that shaded corner behind the temple and her mother caught us and smiled and invited me inside... Adam became my teenage hero and the brother I've never had. He was our personal Ares and we remained friends even when Camille died two years later, stabbed to death by a drug junkie because she didn't have any money in her purse. He died six years ago, together with five more marines and two pilots when their Raptor crashed due to engine failure. I've been to his funeral. And now he was talking to me. He hasn't aged a day.

"You're dead!"

I know it wasn't the best welcome and my throat was dry and my voice so weak nobody could hear it anyway. But he did.

"Could be, could be. But you've always had a warrior's spirit and you look like you need a little help again."

My mouth was still gaping but something in his voice kicked my brain back into action. The ship! Alice! The Cylons have attacked us and Themis got hit by two nukes and Lords know how many other missiles and... My brain seized up again. I didn't know what to think and I had no idea why I was in sickbay and I was a Cylon. A part of me hoped Alice was still alive but the rest of me was half frightened, half dumbstruck. Then I heard quick footsteps and the drapes to my left opened to let in nurse Borman. Her face was unbelievably tired but she tried to put on a smile and succeeded.

"Awake already, Colonel? Sorry for not coming here before you woke up, we're kind of overworked. Doctor's finally asleep, I'll have to do. What's the last thing you remember?"

I tried to search my memories and the shocks and fears they created were impossible to hide. My only luck was that the memories would have done the same to a human.

"The Cylons attacked! I got maybe a third of our Vipers out and I was closing my own canopy and... I don't know!"

Nurse's expression was one of awe and relief.

"You better thank all the Lords of Kobol, Colonel, because you're the toughest and luckiest person aboard. Cylon missile hit your launch tube and doctor Kellman pulled like two dozen pieces of your Viper out of you. He even pulled one out of your brain! Small one, I've been told. The piece, I mean. You should be dead but look at you! Anyway, we've been keeping you in coma for four days and I'm amazed how quickly you've healed and I've already let Major Taros know you're awake so he'll be here soon. Don't even try sitting up, though. You might heal fast and I know you pilots but you're not flying anytime soon. And this ship is not jumping anywhere for at least two more days anyway. Mind if I leave now? We've got about four hundred other patients, Colonel."

I nodded. What else was I supposed to do? I looked around but Adam was nowhere to be seen. So... They've pulled a piece of my Viper out of my brain. For a second there I wanted to believe that that was the reason why I thought I was a Cylon. But the memories of my other life were too numerous, too detailed, too real. I was an enemy agent. My human memories were but a cover. I was here to help make sure Themis would get destroyed. Humans had three times as many battlestars as we've had basestars. The Cylons had to strike first and they had to strike hard. But then that piece of shrapnel scrambled my brain. I was never all that eager to destroy the humans, was I? I enjoyed being a human. I fell in love with a human! So who was I? What side I belonged on? Has my brain damage permanently turned off my Cylon me? The Adam I remembered was a fake memory, wasn't he? And was Alice still alive?

"She is. She's wounded, she's got a broken leg and some burns and she inhaled some nasty stuff but she'll live."

I closed my eyes for a moment and then blinked several times but Adam was still sitting on my bed. I didn't even notice how he appeared there but there he was, smiling, squeezing my numb hand in support. It helped. But it didn't help enough.

"How the frag do you know? And who are you?!? Adam? That's a fake memory."

He smiled.

"May be. And you're a fake human. Big deal. You're still alive, Daemonette. Are we gonna play the blame game or fight the toasters?"

The question was absurd and yet so Adam-like I almost laughed.

"I *am* a toaster and a bed-bound one to boot. You're a fake dead jarhead. I'm no quitter but what do you want us to do?"

He was smiling and his optimism was infectious.

"You're the CAG here, I'm just a jarhead. You do the thinking. I mean, is there anybody aboard who knows the Cylons better than you do? Anybody better prepared to fight to save us?"

Good question. Maybe I was brain damaged but I didn't feel like a homicidal machine. I tried to sort through the incomplete mess that was my memories and I realized the years playing human were the happiest of my life. They taught me so much about humans it made my Cylon self question the necessity of conquering them. And I've met Alice, the woman who made me understand love. Alice!

"You said Alice is alive but you're not real! I have to-"

Adam interrupted me.

"Ask Hound, then. Maybe that will help you learn to trust me, Tish."

And then he kissed my forehead and left while I simply stared in disbelief. I was still staring five seconds later when Hound, that is Major Daniel Taros, a good friend and the best fighter jockey aboard, showed his face.

"So how are you, Colonel?"

Fragged beyond repair, I thought, but I kept those thoughts private.

"Like I've really pissed off a squad of drunk Marines and the doc's just pulled a fragging poker out of my skull. How's the ship, Hound?"

He sighed.

"We're fragged, Deamonette. We're in the middle of nowhere far behind the red line and nobody knows whether we can jump again. We have no idea what's going on back home but we're at war again. I know he's dead but that incompetent EOD guy was an idiot and the crazy thing is we're alive thanks to his idiocy."

I realized I knew what he was talking about. That EOD guy was a Two who was supposed to plant a bomb to serve as a backup in case the CNP backdoors failed. Something went wrong and the bomb went off while he was placing it, killing him and damaging the ship some fourteen hours before the attack. The memory flashed through my mind but Hound never stopped talking.

"Toasters used some virus and half our systems went down but we've been prepared to use local manual backups thanks to the damage the guy's idiocy caused. Markham is a miracle worker and she made us jump capable ten minutes before the attack and don't ask me how she did it because all I know is it was supposed to take two days. We were taking a beating so Commander ordered a blind jump and we're still licking our wounds today. Markham swears we'll be jump capable again but the drives took hell of a beating."

I feared I already knew the answer to my next question but I had to ask.

"How many made it back to the barn before we jumped?"

Daniel's face got even angrier and more tired too.

"They're dead, Tish. Almost everyone who made it out fast is dead. Their onboard systems went down and they were sitting ducks. The only one who survived was Showtime because a missile hit her launch tube while she was taking off and the damage took out all her comms and fried some other avionics too. We've got forty six dead pilots and we've modified our remaining Vipers and we're still simply praying to Gods it won't happen again the next time we fly against the toasters."

My empty stomach wanted to throw up and it took all my willpower to fight it and win. There has been a monster living inside my brain and she knew about this and she planned it and now I had to live in her body and if I told anyone I'd become their worst enemy. And wait till they discover what has happened on Colonies, I thought. They would kill me and I'd die but she'd be reborn into a new, undamaged body. And she'd know everything I knew. It was the worst day of my whole fragged up life.

Daniel gave me a few moments to take it all in but then he reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a tablet.

"Deamonette, I'll understand if you're too tired but could you take a look at it all? DRADIS logs, Showtime's guncam, external videos, everything? I hate to admit it but there's a reason why I'm still a stick jockey while you're the CAG. You don't have the intuition but you do have the brains."

I sighed and took the tablet. Adam was right. We had a war to win and I was no quitter.

"I'll do my best. But I have a very personal request, Hound. And I want your word you'll keep this one a secret."

I knew I was taking a huge risk. A part of me wanted to shut up. Sooner or later they'd find out I'm a Cylon and then they'd make Alice's life hell. But I loved her and I was scared and I needed to know she was alive and safe. At least as safe as she could be, given our situation. Daniel smiled.

"My lips are sealed, Colonel."

"There's one name I want you to ask about. Discreetly. Can you do it?"

He studied me for a moment and his smile was replaced by a wide grin.

"Now you're telling me you've finally hooked up with someone? Who got lucky?"

I took a deep breath.

"Alice Griffith."

I swear his eyes bulged out. I've never seen him this surprised before and his face was an unreadable mix of emotions. Then he patted his sidearm and his voice fooled me for a second.

"Well, Colonel, I have to say you're a disgrace to your uniform."

But then his expression cracked a little and I realized that no matter how crazy my heart's choice might have been he was a friend and he wished me luck. He was smiling as he continued, his tone still condescending and harsh but his body language betraying his amusement.

"I never thought my commanding officer would date a marine!"


	2. I must have been crazy when I admitted...

I had no idea what to do with my hands. I had no idea where to look. At least I had enough sense to say something remotely intelligent.

"I never admitted I'm dating her, Hound. But you can't choose who you fall in love with."

Truth was we did way more than a simple date. But an admission would only achieve one thing – it would make Alice's life hell. So I refused to admit anything and I hoped Daniel would think I just got a crush on her. He sighed.

"Okay, Daemonette, I'll go and ask about – Corporal, isn't she? - Griffith. But she's a marine! In fact I think she's the one who floored Sheba some two weeks ago and you know how many splinters Kellman had to pull out of her sexy butt that night. Okay, I know we're at war now. But we'll be back home soon and your rep will take a nosedive. The brawls are almost a sport now and the marines have still got the better score and now you're basically ruining the game. We can't go around punching your girl, now can we? So you better prepare a hell of an apology."

Daniel's ability to ignore long-term concerns or serious problems, temporarily focusing on whatever amused him or caught his attention, was both painful and healing. It helped my brain tear itself away from the darkness inside. A part of me recognized his words for what they were, an attempt to distract us both from the horrible reality we found ourselves in, but I was glad to play along. My voice still sounded like somebody dragged a file across my vocal cords and I couldn't manage more than a whisper, though.

"I'm willing to make this sacrifice if it means you lot stay combat ready. Half of you fly like crap after every one of these brawls, even after the ones you've won."

But then the reality of almost half my pilots being dead hit me again with full force. Oh, and me being a fraggin Cylon too. I blinked.

"Sorry, Daniel. This is all too much. I'll take a look at that intel but... I have a lot on my mind right now and I'm still kind of... I'll let you know, okay?"

He rose up and I noticed a shadow of a smile on his face.

"That'd be more than I dared hope for, Daemonette. We're all happy you're still with us. Take your time and I'll have Bishop drop by sometime after lunch."

And he was gone.

It took me about a minute to accept the fact that the help he asked for was more or less pointless. Oh, of course I had lots of good advice. But blowing up a few more Raiders wouldn't change a thing about the whole war. The whole ship was fragged and the Colonies had to be radioactive nightmares, slowly turning from mass graves to deathworlds. The first thing I had to do was take a good look into my soul and pick a side.

I knew, deep to the bone, that picking the human side was suicidal. But the Cylons have turned me into a human and made me a loyal soldier. They gave me a sense of kinship with the humans. My mission made me understand humans on a level unavailable to those who haven't lived among them. I was in love with Alice and her love made me sure that no matter what some might say I do have a living soul. All the world was going to hell and we were doomed but I realized there was a part of my mind that absolutely refused to give up. A part of me that simply faced the probabilities and went on ahead. It accepted reality but it was determined to do everything in my power to create the kind of future I'd want. My place was with the humans.

Sure, the choice was easier for me. I knew my Cylon me could resurrect. But I chose to give the humans everything I could. I couldn't do more and there was for no point in blaming myself for all the sins of my race. I had a ship to save, a race to save and a war to win.

Which is kind of a tall order when you're a bed-bound Cylon ex-agent trying to betray her own race. While you're surrounded by people with every reason to hate your guts should they learn about your nature. Except for one other Cylon agent who'd have every reason to kill you once you show your true loyalty. Aboard a lone and battered battlestar while your homeworlds and your navy are more or less gone. And you're on a clock because everybody aboard is doing their best to get back home and they'll have a snowball's chance in hell there.

I must've spent like two hours going over the situation, over and over and over again. It always came down to just one option and I didn't like that one at all. I spent some time going over the intel Hound gave me but that took me say twenty minutes. Then I was back to my big and insane plan. It was risky and probably full of pain of all kinds and I was desperately trying to come up with a different idea when nurse Borman dropped by.

"Hello, Colonel. Everything okay? By the way, Major Taros called a few minutes ago. Says the Viper you asked about has a broken landing gear and some burns and some acidic stuff got into the inlet but it should fly again in a week. Remember what I said about you and flying?"

It took me a moment to understand the message. I never asked about my Viper, right? And the description made little sense anyway, given the circumstances. But then I realized it was about no Viper. It was about Alice and my face shifted into a stupid happy smile.

"Yes, I do remember. I guess this is just a pilot thing, nurse."

"It better be, Colonel."

And she turned to walk away again. Learning Alice was alive lifted a boulder off my shoulders and I had maybe a second and the nurse would be on her way. I bit my lip and took a deep breath. No sense in delaying the inevitable any longer, after all.

"Nurse? Could you please let Commander Galvin know I need to speak to him? And could you find someone to send this tablet to Major Taros?"

Nurse Borman sighed.

"Yes, I can do that. Want me to get you anything else?"

I swear I managed to put on an amused smile.

"I don't think I'll be needing much anytime soon, nurse, but I could really use another tablet and a data cable too."

So she nodded and walked away. I used the time before Commander's arrival to plan Lords know how many variants of the I'll say this – he'll say that game. I was pretty sure the plans would go out the airlock ten seconds after my first word but it gave me something to do during the twenty minutes Nurse Borman needed to fetch me my tablet. A little pain and I finally had my proof that I was a Cylon. The knowledge didn't make me any happier, that's for sure, but it was a relief of sorts. Commander Galvin arrived a while later and waiting for him was the most torturous wait of my life.

"Hello Tisha, good to see you alive and kicking. You sure you want to work already? I know Daniel gave you our intel – he's the acting CAG now, by the way – but you don't have to work on it yet. We're not jumping anywhere for at least two days, not unless the Cylons jump on top of us, because there's a good chance we'd end up dead instead of jumping now."

I took a very deep breath.

"This is not about that intel, Commander. I'm finished with that already. This is something much worse. It is a nightmare for me and a nightmare for every single human anywhere. This is literally the worst news in the history of mankind and you have no idea how fragged up I feel right now. Yes, I know I'm brain-damaged and I guess I sound kind of crazy. But I can prove my words. However, there's one thing I have to say first and though I know you'll have every reason to disbelieve me I *have* to warn you. All your lives depend on it now. You still willing to listen to my crazy rambling?"

His eyes were piercing me, evaluating me. I was scared to death but I was trying oh so hard to do the best I could to help us all and he must have sensed that. So he nodded.

"Go ahead. I never saw you this afraid and you do deserve a little trust, don't you think?"

I didn't have the energy to smile at the irony of his words.

"No matter what happens now, don't kill me unless I agree to it."

He was obviously flabbergasted and I can't blame him. Of course he wasn't planning to kill me. Not yet. So I went on.

"I know I sound crazy but if I die you'll have those Cylons on top of you real fast. You see, I'm a Cylon too."

I could see it all in his eyes. Surprise, pity, sadness. He thought I lost my marbles. But I was ready and I moved my hand so he could see the cable pushed into my flesh and I shoved my tablet into his hands. I was not talking anymore. I let my words appear on the screen.

"The Cylons have evolved. They have human-like bodies now. I was their agent and only my brain damage turned my Cylon personality off. And I know enough of their plans to know that we're all fragged. Will you hear me out now?"

His face was a mask of confusion and his effort to understand the situation was obvious. Three, four, five seconds...

"You're definitely not a Cylon, Tisha. I think at least the doctors would have noticed a robot hiding inside your skin. But I can believe you've been kidnapped, brainwashed and implanted with some kind of low-profile human-computer interface. And I can believe your injury might have damaged whatever they did to you. You're not a Cylon, though. We will get to the bottom of this, I promise."

I guess I should have expected this reaction. For all he knew, Cylons were murderous metal machines, bloodthirsty robots, towering terrors bent on exterminating human race. I was a human female, one so pretty that a dozen of his officers tried to bed her during her first week aboard. I switched back to my vocal cords.

"No. This is a Cylon-made vat-grown Human-like body and I'm an artificial human personality. They've created me as a cover for the Cylon mind that used to live in the brain that's mine now. The newest Cylon models are biological. Specialist Riso, the one who blew himself up and damaged the ship, was a Cylon agent. Petty Officer Murray is one too."

He wasn't drawing his gun, which was a good sign, but I could see the rising fear.

"You're telling me Cylons can look human now? I still think they've simply brainwashed you, Tisha."

"We can argue about that later, Sir. But as far as I know there were dozens, maybe hundreds of Cylon agents amongst us. The CNP backdoors, the reason why our systems got hit so easily, were a work of such an agent. This is an all-out war, Sir. I'm afraid something like ninety five percent of Colonial Navy is destroyed by now and Cylons have used nuclear weapons against major population centers, Sir. I seem to remember an estimate of seven billion dead within the first 24 hours."

It was obvious he was still having trouble accepting the fact that his seemingly loyal CAG was in fact a damaged agent created by a civilization famous for having tried to exterminate humanity. Every second of his hesitation gave me a chance to convince him of my friendly intentions. But when I dropped the bomb it was like I've hit him with a two by four. His fingers twitched.

"I'll skin you alive if you're lying, Colonel. I can't comprehend what kind of monster you have to be to-"

He saw the horror on my face and paused for a moment and his next sentence convinced me again that this was a man who deserved my trust.

"Sorry, I should've realized you're trying to help and I guess you're a victim too. I don't know whether you're a damaged Cylon or a brainwashed human but I do think you're trying to help now. *Can* you help now? Because even if you're right I'm not going to give up and die."

I was at a loss for words. I would've hung my head in shame if it wasn't for the fact that I was on my back in bed with a pillow behind that sorry head of mine.

"I'll do my best but I'm pretty fragged up, Sir. I feel like I've woken up to find out somebody transplanted my brain into the body of the worst mass murderer in history and they've even hypnotized me to push some of his memories into my head. I *know* we're fragged."

There were tears on my face but I finally managed to look into Commander's eyes again.

"But I'll do anything I can, and I mean anything, to help. I know you can't trust me now and you have no idea how much this all hurts but I'll do whatever I can."

My fears reminded me of my mortality and that led to another spike of panic.

"Oh! For Lords' sake, don't kill either of us Cylons now! Don't let Murray commit suicide either! They'd know where we died and they'd jump here and destroy you!"

His gaze pierced me, trying to decide whether I was telling the truth.

"You're serious?!?"

I tried to wipe my tears.

"Yes. Their brains are somehow linked to some sort of resurrection systems and they'd get reborn into new undamaged bodies and they'd remember everything. I even remember my Cylon me died twice already so I know it really works! Murray would simply resurrect. I'd be reborn with an undamaged brain and the Cylon personality could take over me again and I'd be dead and she'd be alive! They'd know where we are and how damaged we are!"

Commander's index finger was tapping his upper lip and I breathed out a small sigh of relief. No bullet to the head for me, at least not yet. Then he walked a few steps and I heard him shout, as loud as ever.

"Nurse! Get me doctor Kellman here and I don't care what you have to do to wake him up! And get somebody call my staff! I want them all here NOW!"


	3. Too much time to think

Commander Galvin, Colonel Curtis, Major Taros, Major Walton, Lieutenant Walters, doctor Kellman. And I. It was one hell of a meeting. Just imagine yourself in my position. You come from a species that just tried to exterminate everybody else in the room and their families and friends and more or less their whole race too. The personality that sometimes took control over your body and mind is guilty of attempted genocide and Lords know how many other crimes. Okay, she's had her doubts, but those were never enough to make her rebel against Cylon majority. And you have to convince the people around your bed that you're their friend and your explanation is that a random shrapnel hit your brain and took out that Cylon personality of yours. Pretty unlikely and handy accident, eh?

Don't forget you're funny in the head too, because a hallucination in the form of a long-dead Marine - who was actually a fake implanted memory - sometimes talks to you. Only you're not hundred percent sure he's just a hallucination because he knows things he wouldn't know if he was just a hallucination. And he never appears when there's anybody else around...

You're also making everybody paranoid. You can stick a datacable into your arm and link up with a computer. But all the tests the doctor puts you through tell him you're human. Yeah, you can tell them there's only a few biological models. But you have to admit you know there are either eight or twelve Cylon models – your memories are confused about this - and you can only recall seven different faces. So they think that anybody could be a Cylon agent. *They* could be Cylons too and not even know.

Plus you have to rub their faces in their technological inferiority. Cylons have skinjob agents and FTL comms and jump-capable fighters. Cylons have resurrection technology. All your human friends have is an old and damaged battlestar.

Some of them used to be your good friends and your stomach twists every time you realize they have – or more likely had – families you knew. You're thinking about more than faceless numbers. You knew those people. Commander's daughter served on Triton, his son lived in Caprica City. Daniel's brother served on Yashuman. Natsuki Walton's husband served on Atlantia. And you have to talk about Cylon plans that mean they're all almost certainly dead.

The best you could hope for is you survive the meeting, which I did. Ending up imprisoned in a comfortable cabin instead of inside four bare walls is way more than you could have hoped for. But trust me, the physical comfort led to just one result - there was no physical hardship to distract me. All I could do was think. And there was no point in making battle plans because I was an enemy agent. Yes, they've let me provide intel, although we've had to take into account the fact that my memory was a little untrustworthy after my injury. But after that it was thank you and goodbye. Oh, of course I've spent some time making battle plans anyway. But I've had a *lot* of time to think. The night was the worst.

Time to think about the future of humanity. I was pretty sure Commander would still hope the war could be won but I already accepted the truth. The best we could do was find some more humans and then run. Okay, that would mean the war would go on, at least technically. But we would be in no position to defeat the Cylons anytime soon. It took the Cylons forty years to gain a meaningful industrial capacity and yet their fleet strength was less than a third of that of the Colonies. And now humans would be the ones on the run into exile. Where should we go?

Time to think about my own future. Was the original Cylon me really dead? And would she stay dead? My body healed fast so maybe my brain would heal too? Maybe I wouldn't be able to notice it healing until it would be too late? Could I become an enemy agent again, abusing the trust I hoped to build? Or would my experiences finally change her mind about humans?

Time to think about my love life. Or rather about the nuked remains of my love life. I wanted to hold Alice in my arms again. I wanted it so much that the ache was physical. She was my love, my anchor, the one person I desperately wanted to love me. But I couldn't imagine looking into her eyes and telling her I was a Cylon without also imagining watching the love I was used to seeing turning into terror or hatred. What could I say? Honey, I do love you and I'm really sorry for Cylons having killed your whole family and almost everybody else too and although this body is Cylon-made and I'm a fake human and I never knew I'm a Cylon, well, ermmm, I still hope you love me? I had no proof of what was going on inside my head. Frag, I didn't know myself. Could she ever trust me at all? Could she still love me?

That cabin that day was a place where I couldn't run away from myself and trust me, a big part of me wanted to. And the one person I didn't want to see walk into my prison was Lucien Yates. Oh, I had nothing against him as a person. But as our chaplain, a priest of Aurora, he was not a welcome sight. I guess most prisoners who are afraid of being executed don't like the sight of a chaplain in the morning, so seeing him walk in made me quite nervous.

"Father Yates?"

The main component of his expression was uncertainty.

"Lieutenant Colonel Leynes? Or should I be calling you Model Six?"

Suddenly I couldn't help feeling bitter.

"Depends on how long it takes for you to start thinking I'm just a machine."

His expression softened a little.

"I wouldn't be here if I thought you're one. Doctor Kellman still can't find any difference between your samples and scans and those of a human. I've heard you can interface with a computer, so there's no doubt there's something Cylon about you, but we still don't know whether you're the genuine Cylon you claim to be or a brainwashed human. And even if you are a Cylon they've obviously created you from human tissue samples and so similar to us that I still don't know what to think. Truth is I've had a vision this morning, the first one after half a dozen years, and I just hope I would have come even without that. Well, provided somebody would tell me about you, of course."

"They haven't?"

"No! Your nature is a secret. One even your guards don't know, I think. Even I didn't know at first. I came to see the Commander because of my vision and he's nearly had a fit the moment I asked to see you. I guess he still thinks somebody forgot to watch his tongue. And to be honest, I'm not coming directly from Commander's office. I had to sort my thoughts first. So... Colonel Leynes, or Model Six?"

I sighed and then I forced myself to study his face for a moment. No, he wasn't trying to be mean. He wanted to know and he wanted me to think. He patiently waited for me to put the words together. Aurora, Goddess of dawn, Goddess of new hopes and new beginnings, was my second most favorite of the Lords. And Ares would have been of little help in the situation I ended up in. So I decided to be honest.

“Six, who 's been turned into Colonel Leynes, who hopes she won't turn back into a Six.”

“Sounds complicated. What's the chance you will actually turn back into a common Cylon? If there is such a thing as a common Cylon, of course.”

My hands closed into fists as if on their own and then opened again. I shook my head and my frustration must have been obvious.

“I don't know and it is one of my greatest fears right now. Good news is I think she was about to change her mind about humans. But I still don't want to become just a part of her. I'm getting used to the fact that I'm not a human, yes. But I'm afraid I would betray this ship and my friends here. You see, I may be a Cylon but I feel like I belong here.”

He smiled! Yes, it was a small, weak smile. But this was a time when every smile was a small miracle.

“Then I will make sure you'll always have a place here, as long you want it. Maybe I'm being stupid now but I'm not going to ignore what my heart tells me and what my Goddess tells me too. No matter what you are, you are one of my flock. And Colonel, I have a feeling that this war can become a start of something new. The cost will be terrible, I... I don't have words for what must have happened back home if what you've told Commander Galvin is true. But I guess we've failed to learn from all the previous lessons.”

He paused for a moment but I could tell he hasn't finished yet. And I was speechless anyway, my brain still coming to grips with the idea that he could be able to forgive me for what the Cylons did. A few seconds passed and he continued.

“I have to admit this is not easy for me, Colonel. But I guess you could really use some friends now, so I though you wouldn't mind finding a new one. What say you?”

Now this was unexpected. Okay, he's said he's had a vision. Priests sometimes do, and oftentimes they make mistakes. But the amount of trust this required was simply astonishing. It made me think that maybe my faith could never be as strong as his and I had to fight a spike of self-contempt. Then there was a knock on the door and Daniel walked in before I had a chance to say anything. And one look at his face was enough for me to know.

“Tisha, Father Yates... It is even worse than you thought. All the Colonies fell. We ignored the distance and the risks and sent four Raptors into Helios system and Morgan, Jack Ward, O'Brien and Whitaker are dead but two Raptors made it back and now we know. Everybody back home is dead or about to die. The Fleet is gone. I believe you've said seven billion dead, Tish. Tactical says more like twenty seven by now. We lost the war. We're on a run now. Father Yates, I hope you're on good terms with Hecate because I'm going to go through lots of curse tablets so I'd appreciate your help in this regard. Tish, I keep telling myself I want to stay friends but right now, you being a Cylon makes my skin crawl. Sorry.”

His eyes closed and yet I could see the emotions battling inside him. Rage, pain, hate, fear, desperation, anger, despair... Some numbness too, because the agony had been too much.

“I know you're trying to help. You might have saved this ship already, they stopped Murray some two hours before he would be ready to blow up one of the main tylium lines. But this is... We're about to go extinct, Tish. We lost Jackie Robson too, she simply walked out of her Raptor and blew her brains out right on the flight deck and I can't blame her. Me, I'll go down fighting, but I don't think we'll win this one.”

He paused for a moment, breathing deep, trying to regain self-control. I could see the emotional detachment I knew all too well, the mad calm that some pilots use to stay alive and at least remotely sane, win the upper hand again. He relaxed a little.

“Commander thinks we don't have much to lose and your knowledge could help us a lot, so he's willing to gamble. Emergency meeting begins in” - a quick glance at his watch - “nine minutes and you've been invited.”

He hesitated for a moment and then his better self won and he offered me his arm. I could tell the thought of me being a Cylon still gave him goose bumps but he *was* trying to remain my friend.

“Will you join us?”

As if I could be so stupid I'd refuse.


	4. We all knew the place was cursed

Okay, I managed a dozen slow steps. And I was not hanging on Daniel's arm like I feared I would. But I had to be sensible. It was wheelchair time, my tough image be damned. I had to save my energy for thinking. I was not good for much else, after all.

The emergency meeting made me feel a little foolish and a little hopeful. Foolish, because the plans I came up with in my prison turned out to be more or less the same as what the Commander came up with. Hopeful, because the plans seemed to offer a chance we'd survive.

We'd try to scout, we'd search for any other survivors, we'd try to intercept old messages relayed by hidden beacons, we'd hunt any Cylon forces we could dare to and gather more intel, we'd scrounge up more supplies. And then we'd run.

Where to? Commander's plan sent shivers down our spines. Yes, we were all pretty frakked already, what with having to cope with our homeworlds being dead - or in my case me being a Cylon - but the destination Commander Galvin came up with was a name from old, old legends.

Kobol.

We had little idea where to look for it. And we all knew the place was cursed. We all feared the price in blood the planet might demand could be way too high. Ancient curses, furious gods, old bioweapons, hidden doomsday devices, Cylon traps... Kobol could hide any and all of that and more. But it was about the only place in the Universe outside the Twelve Colonies we knew to have supported life as we knew it. We were going to need food and enough samples to allow us to build a whole new ecosystem somewhere and there was no better place to find both than Kobol.

We couldn't settle there, though. Not because it was cursed. We were all so desperate we might have been willing to entertain the idea of revolting against the Lords' will. We knew our ancestors must have had good reasons to leave the place but we might have ignored that. We needed a place where we could settle down and rebuild. However, Kobol was a place the Cylons knew about too. They could find it, they *would* find it, because it was a logical place for any human survivors to look for. We would never be safe there, even if the Lords took pity on us.

I mentioned Earth too, probably because a part of me felt the need to prove I knew human legends too. And I was not alone to remember the name. But we had no proof it actually existed and it was supposedly much further away than Kobol. So Kobol it was to be. We would pay the price the Lords would ask for and go on.

The last item on our agenda was me. Okay, it was the existence of skinjob Cylons in general, my own existence was just a part of it. But I was more concerned about my own life than about other skinjobs. Luckily, Commander's first few sentences gave me the hope I needed.

"The last thing we have to deal with now is Colonel Leynes and any other biological Cylons aboard. Frankly, I'll need some time to deal with this. But regulations be damned, I'm doing this my way. Tisha, you're confined to your quarters and I've assigned guards to you. We don't know what's going on and neither do you. But I'm not going to torture or execute you and I'll make sure everybody knows that. We have no guidelines to tell us what to do with Cylon-built humans, or Cylon-built human-based artificial intelligences, or whatever you actually are. But you've probably saved this ship already so you do deserve the benefit of doubt. Consider yourself a refugee from now on, Colonel. As for Murray, well, he can stay in the brig for now. We don't have the resources to deal with him now unless we are talking about killing him and I don't want to do that, at least not yet. Maybe he's a Cylon-skinjob and you're a human-skinjob, Tisha, but we'll need time to learn about these matters."

He paused for a moment and I glanced at the others. I know I'm going to sound cynical but their ignorance was my shield. Their brains still saw Cylons as chrome monsters and I was a friendly and human face. They still thought, at least on a subconscious level, that I've been brainwashed and implanted with some Cylon hardware. They saw me as an unlucky human. They all thought it could have been them in my place. I was a poor pilot who probably got kidnapped during some solo patrol. They took pity on me.

"We need to announce some of what we know to the whole crew so I'll add it to my planned speech. Yes, I know it will feed some paranoia. But we would gain nothing by pretending ignorance and we can't keep this a secret for long. Besides, we don't know all their faces but they don't know what we know, assuming Colonel Leynes is the only Cylon in this room. Maybe none of the unknown models are aboard. Maybe they'll turn themselves in. Maybe we'll have some false positives and maybe somebody will recognize a Cylon before it is too late. We'll have to play this by the ear, folks."

His eyes scanned us all and he continued.

"Anybody has something else we need to deal with? No? Okay, time's a wasting, folks. We're on the ropes but I'm going to win this war or die trying."

Colonel Curtis was the first to react but we all joined him.

"So say we all, Sir."

You have no idea how happy I was to say those words and see the approval on the faces around me. However, I've been relieved of my duties and unlike the others I had little to do. And there was one thing I had to take care of. So when the others rose to leave, I stayed.

"Commander? I have one very personal request. May I?"

"Fire away, Tisha."

I took a deep breath. Again. Well, those days were a time of deep breaths.

"There's one personal secret that I've been hiding for almost three months now. I have a girlfriend now and I love her like I've never loved anyone before and she's one of the wounded. Would you please let me visit her, at least once?"

Commander's eyes narrowed.

"We've been friends for almost two years and I'm your commanding officer and this a military vessel and you're not stupid. And I didn't know but now you tell me you have a girlfriend? Well, I don't have time for details now, so... Are you honestly in love or have you seduced her to further some Cylon goal? And who is she?"

I must have looked quite sheepish.

"Ummm, I'm honestly in love but she's a Marine..."

He interrupted me, his voice somewhat impatient.

"So what. I'll grant you it would have ruffled a few feathers but you wouldn't be the first pilot to date a Marine. I know at least two who actually married one. Spill the beans, Tisha. I'm having hard enough time convincing myself you're a person, not a robot. Don't test my patience, please."

"She's Corporal Griffith. And this was no Cylon ruse! I'm flesh and blood, just like you, so why couldn't I fall in love? But my Cylon self made me keep the relationship secret. I had to keep up my near-perfect image, especially with the planned Cylon attack so close. So Alice and I made a deal. We would have waited three months, to see how serious this was, and then come clean. The Cylon bitch knew the attack would come before that time was up. Will you let me talk to Alice now?"

He sighed. Well, those days were a time of many sighs too.

"Yes, you can go see her. I will even order your guards to give you privacy. But I'm about to announce your nature to the whole crew. Maybe she'll be willing to talk, maybe she won't. I'm trying to stay friends and I do have various reasons for that but I can't ask the same from anybody else aboard. Fact is you're a Cylon. Maybe a friendly one, but a Cylon. Or you've worked for them. You leave her alone the second she tells you to, is that clear?"

I've been watching his face during this and I realized one thing. He was really making an effort to remain friendly. I could tell it was not easy and I could tell there was more to this than a need to stay on good terms with his best source of intel on Cylons. It was something coming from deep inside him and it was neither paternal nor sexual in nature and I was unable to decipher it. I knew it could be him simply being a good leader. But I was not going to test the limits of his friendship.

"Absolutely."

And he dismissed me. I wanted to break into a run and reach Alice before his shipwide announcement but I'm not stupid. And he spoke to my guards first and I had to wait for them. So I was still on my way when we heard him.

"This is your Commander. I'm sure most of you have heard rumors about what's happened at home and what you deserve is the truth. The scenario we feared since the first Cylon war is here. The Colonies fell. Our cities suffered massive nuclear strikes, our defenses are gone. The fears of our fathers nearly came to be. Humanity is at the brink of extinction. But we're not dead yet. We are all soldiers here. We all swore our oaths. We will not give up. We will find a way to win or die trying."

“This is not going to be easy. We cannot win this through strength of arms. This is no longer a war. This is a fight for survival of humanity. Yes, I'm sure that some of you want revenge. But revenge is a luxury we cannot afford now. Revenge alone will not keep us alive and staying alive is our true duty now. We must overcome our pride and our anger. Any life we sacrifice is precious and I'm asking you make every sacrifice we might have to make count. Do not throw your lives away.”

“So what do we do now? We must regroup and rebuild. We will find any other survivors who could join us and say goodbye to our homes. Because there is a place in the Universe where we can find new seeds of hope and its name is Kobol. The home of our ancestors, the place from which we've reached for the stars. We'll reach for them again. We'll become exiles again but we'll carry all the lessons we've learned with us and one day we'll find a way to stop the Cylon threat forever.”

"I'm sure you're all asking yourselves one more question. How did this happen? We were the defenders of humanity, after all. We were supposed to prevent this from ever happening. Is this our greatest failure? In a way, yes. But our failure was in ignorance, in not knowing our enemy. What we didn't know was that Cylons have developed human-like agents. Maybe they're vat-grown clones and maybe they're based on abducted and brainwashed humans. Either way, dozens, maybe hundreds of human-like agents have infiltrated our society. The explosion that damaged us, the vulnerabilities in CNP, the intel that Cylons had, it can all be traced to this. Lieutenant Colonel Leynes was one such agent but she managed to break her programming and I want you all to know that her actions have saved this ship. She's back on our side now. One still active Cylon agent is in the brig already and one is dead and we're working on confirming no others remain aboard this ship. We have to presume most such agents elsewhere have fulfilled their primary missions but might remain active. However, we know about these agents now and we'll either liberate or neutralize them. And we will never make a similar mistake again.”

“I know we have a lot of work to do now. But we'll take it one step at a time. This ship is jumping again tomorrow and we do have reasons to believe others have survived. I say we can still save many lives. What say you?”

I have to admit the prospect of facing Alice blocked out most of the signals coming from outside my brain and the only sensation the whole speech awoke in me was one of relief. At least I liked the plan it outlined.


End file.
